Dear Tired Mama,

If getting your kids to bed feels like a nightly battle, you're not alone. Many parents believe their children are "fighting" sleep, but there's often more they are dealing with beneath the surface. Here’s a closer look at what’s really going on when your little ones resist bedtime, focusing on four essential boxes that need to be checked for a better bedtime for all.

Kids Need to Be Tired

It sounds simple, but for a child to fall asleep, they need to be genuinely tired. This is where rigid sleep schedules can fall short. Just like us, children struggle to sleep if they’re not tired enough. Their bodies and minds need enough activity during the day to burn through their energy reserves, and as any parent can attest, sometimes that can be very difficult!

For babies, even seemingly small movements like wiggling, rolling, or crawling are crucial for burning off energy. As they grow, this need for physical exertion only increases. If your child hasn’t had enough active playtime or movement, they may not be physically ready to rest. Incorporating more challenging physical activity into their day could be the key to an easier bedtime.

Kids Need to Feel Safe

Fear is another significant barrier to sleep. If your child feels scared, whether it is being weary of the dark, being alone, or simply knowing that you’re going to leave the room, it can cause their anxiety to peak and therefore keep them awake. Creating a safe and comforting sleep environment is essential.

This might mean staying with your child until they fall asleep, a sound machine to cover up some noises or using a nightlight to dispel fears of the dark. What’s important is finding out what could be causing any fear and making sure to find a way to correct them so your child feels secure. Avoid sleep training methods that involve letting them cry it out alone, as this can create deeper anxieties and even long-term emotional challenges. The goal is to foster a sense of safety that allows their little bodies to relax into sleep naturally.

Kids Need to Feel Connected

Connection is a powerful sleep aid for children. Sometimes, when kids get overly playful or silly before bed, it’s a sign they’re seeking more connection with you. Instead of viewing this behavior as a problem, consider it an opportunity. Engaging in some playful interaction, reading, journaling, talking about what was their favorite part of the day or what dreams they have for tomorrow…even if it’s just for a few minutes…can meet their emotional need for connection and help them wind down.

After this time, they might become tearful when it's time to stop, and that’s okay. This emotional release can be beneficial, helping them to clear out any pent-up feelings that might otherwise keep them awake. When children feel emotionally connected and safe, sleep often follows naturally.  If the tears continue to happen each night, it would be smart to communicate boundaries of time by setting a timer so it isn’t a surprise when things are done.

Kids Need to Release Pent-Up Emotions

Emotions play a significant role in sleep readiness. Just as we struggle to sleep when our minds are racing or our hearts are heavy, children also find it difficult to sleep if they’re holding onto unprocessed emotions. These could be feelings of frustration, overstimulation, or simply the overwhelming experiences of their day.

One of the most effective ways to help your child prepare for sleep is by allowing them to express their emotions. This might mean holding them as they cry or simply listening without trying to fix or distract them. Once they’ve had the chance to release these emotions, sleep often comes much more easily. It’s a natural way for their bodies to reset and prepare for the restorative process of sleep.

By focusing on these four foundational needs—physical tiredness, safety, connection, and emotional release—you can transform bedtime from a battle into a peaceful routine. Sleep is a natural process that doesn’t require tricks or training; it just requires that your child’s needs are met so they can relax into the rest their little bodies crave.

This article was inspired by Pathways to Family Wellness.