Dr. Cade and Coach Cason share 6 things fathers should do with their kids, even if some are uncomfortable to do.

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Transcript

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:19:00

Dr. Cade

Hey you guys! I am Dr. Cade and I am sitting here with Coach Cason, and we are going to do something maybe a little bit different today. You know, we focus so much on supplements and in these different types of exercises and toxicity, we focused on a lot of things, maybe physically. So today we're going to talk about maybe some things emotionally here and Cason and I are both parents.

00:00:19:07 - 00:00:20:10

Dr. Cade

How old is Cuteler?

00:00:21:10 - 00:00:26:24

Coach Cason

Cutler. She is. She's nine. She's going to be ten in January.

00:00:27:12 - 00:00:36:07

Dr. Cade

Goes fast. And I've got five. And so maybe somewhat qualified as that's - definitely not qualified. I wouldn't use that word, but –

00:00:36:07 - 00:00:36:27

Coach Cason

You’re incredible.

00:00:36:27 - 00:00:51:13

Dr. Cade

I don't know if I'd go that far, but what we want to do is share a couple of things as dads that we think is incredibly important for our kids to see and hopefully you get some value from it and I want to make sure that I also give credit where credit is due. These are not things that we came up with.

00:00:51:13 - 00:01:07:12

Dr. Cade

These are things that are in an email newsletter that I get from a website called, “All Pro Dad.” It's awesome. I've been on it for, I don't know, maybe ten plus years, and I think one of our patients actually recommended me get on that. And part of that is done with Tony Dungy and many of you know that name.

00:01:07:28 - 00:01:22:15

Dr. Cade

It's fantastic. And so for dumb guys, there's a lot of analogies. There's really simple list like top three things to do are top ten things to do. Whatever things that I just it's an email that I pretty much always open up so “All Pro Dad” and again not original but let's share the information anyways.

00:01:22:15 - 00:01:28:07

Coach Cason

Yeah. So we should also or I should also say that we're not pros at these as well.

00:01:28:07 - 00:01:29:19

Dr. Cade

No, I would not put that on my resume.

00:01:29:20 - 00:01:31:00

Coach Cason

Always a work in progress.

00:01:31:16 - 00:01:46:18

Dr. Cade

And I'd be curious how many dads, how many parents out there feel like you are a pro? I think it's just kind of part of it, you know, that you're constantly learning and and modifying and doing your best to get better. So if that's where you're at, you're doing a great job, right? So top, we're going to change it.

00:01:46:18 - 00:01:48:20

Dr. Cade

Top six things that we think.

00:01:48:22 - 00:01:50:09

Coach Cason

Probably seven will probably add something else...

00:01:50:16 - 00:01:57:16

Dr. Cade

Maybe, maybe. All right. So number one thing that as a dad, you need to allow your children to see is cry. What do you think?

00:01:57:18 - 00:01:59:03

Coach Cason

Yeah, that's a tough one.

00:01:59:06 - 00:02:00:04

Dr. Cade

Yeah, it is a tough one.

00:02:00:04 - 00:02:06:10

Coach Cason

I know. I never saw my dad cry or very, very few times, but yeah, something about that vulnerability.

00:02:06:10 - 00:02:30:02

Dr. Cade

Yeah, it's huge that we don't have it all figured out, right. It's a, it's an emotion. And some of us give labels to emotions that they're good or that they're bad, right? But it's an emotion. It's a part of life, right? And I think it's really important as well for our children to see that and to know that we don't have to be afraid of that, that we don't have to stuff it down, that it's okay to experience that emotion, live in that emotion and do something about it.

00:02:30:02 - 00:02:30:19

Coach Cason

And let it go.

00:02:31:00 - 00:02:33:28

Dr. Cade

Amen. Amen. Amen. Not easy. Not easy to do.

00:02:33:28 - 00:02:41:28

Coach Cason

Not easy. Especially for men. We don't, we don't see it. We're not brought up in that. But I know when I do have a good cry, I feel a lot better.

00:02:41:28 - 00:03:06:09

Dr. Cade

Like the ugly cry. Yeah. Like I can hear you in that. In your office. Yeah, that. Now I'm teasing. Okay, so that's number one. Number two is maybe a little bit sillier and it should be sing is what was in the newsletter. But we added dance to it. Yeah. And I think so many of us are afraid to do certain things that somebody watching us or somebody is judging us and we've all been on both ends of that spectrum.

00:03:06:09 - 00:03:24:04

Dr. Cade

Right? You know, maybe living in our shell more than what we'd like to. But I think it's so important for us to be silly and to sing or to dance or to do something off the cuff and be spontaneous. And it's so important for our kids to see that and to feel that energy, that playfulness, because it's again, it's easy to lose that as we get older.

00:03:24:04 - 00:03:29:28

Dr. Cade

It's easy to live in our heads instead of our heart. So be a kid, sing, dance, or whatever it is that you feel called to do, right?

00:03:29:28 - 00:03:42:26

Coach Cason

Yeah, they do it. They do it. So how awesome would it be to join them in doing that? And that I know with my daughter makes her little heart sing. Oh, my gosh. When I join her in a in a song or a dance.

00:03:42:26 - 00:03:48:18

Dr. Cade

So yeah. Cool. So next one is very important, is ask for help.

00:03:48:24 - 00:03:49:02

Coach Cason

Hmm.

00:03:49:15 - 00:04:05:13

Dr. Cade

Holy smokes. And not just asking maybe your children for help. We've been trying really hard around our house to do things and involve our kids with some projects and, you know, empower them and have them take part in it so that they can learn and get their hands dirty. We can make mistakes together and fix it together, right?

00:04:06:03 - 00:04:23:02

Dr. Cade

But having not just asking them for help, but asking somebody else for help like your wife for help and having your child see that or asking your neighbor for help or whatever else, right? So I think that there's another opportunity to show vulnerability that we don't have all the answers as dads, but we're going to do our best to figure that out.

00:04:23:02 - 00:04:23:11

Dr. Cade

Yeah.

00:04:23:23 - 00:04:47:06

Coach Cason

Yeah. One thing that comes to mind with that is, is Cutler, my daughter was struggling with making mistakes and doing things wrong and always wanting to have it right. And so one thing I read, I can’t remember where I got it, but again, it wasn't original, but it was it was me telling my wife that I messed up at work and I did something wrong and so my daughter could hear it and it made a difference.

00:04:47:06 - 00:04:57:13

Coach Cason

Like she heard me admit that I did something wrong. I made a mistake. And this is how it went and I told the story and it made her realize that she could mess up, too.

00:04:57:28 - 00:04:59:15

Dr. Cade

I love it. I love it. I think that's perfect.

00:04:59:15 - 00:04:59:28

Coach Cason

It’s pretty cool.

00:05:00:18 - 00:05:13:09

Dr. Cade

Next one is for our children to see us and hear us apologize and ask for forgiveness. I think that's another one that could go with our spouse, with the children, or with somebody else. Another huge, huge one.

00:05:13:10 - 00:05:31:26

Coach Cason

Yeah. How many times do we fly off the handle and say something maybe too loud that we didn't want to say too loud? But yeah, I'm constantly asking for forgiveness and and saying sorry to my daughter and my wife because - yeah, I mess up.

00:05:32:18 - 00:05:54:19

Dr. Cade

I remember hearing that one a while ago and trying to practice that. That was something that grew my relationship, especially with my oldest son, you know, and allowing him to see that vulnerability and allowing him to. Yeah, it just it allowed us to grow in our relationship together. So, yeah, I think it's fantastic. And as all of these are, they all play an important role.

00:05:54:19 - 00:06:17:17

Dr. Cade

But the next one that I thought was pretty interesting that was recommended in that newsletter was allowing our children to see us argue. And, you know, there was grew up in a lot of confrontation. And so I always do my best to avoid that until I can't avoid it any more. And I think that’s a really unhealthy way that perhaps you're doing or maybe many of us are doing, right? That you can put up with it until, until you can't, right?

00:06:17:18 - 00:06:40:14

Dr. Cade

And I don't think that that's healthy. So you know, allowing that communication to not get heated, allowing that communication to just be smooth. But it's okay to have different opinions on certain things. It's okay to agree to disagree. Right. And yeah, allowing the kids to see that is beautiful because that will help shape their future relationships with their coworkers and their spouses and their neighbors and so on and so forth.

00:06:40:21 - 00:06:50:13

Coach Cason

Yeah, if you can understand that other people have different opinions than you, I mean, what more could you teach your child? You know, like that's a constant, constant struggle for me.

00:06:50:21 - 00:07:12:13

Dr. Cade

Yeah. Yeah, me too. Me too. So hopefully you're following along. We're through five so far, and that is kind of where that newsletter stop. But the one that Cason and I both that was important was adding a number six and allowing your children to see you work. And again, whether that's kind of these DIY projects around the house, whether that's I think they should see your actual job that you're doing.

00:07:12:14 - 00:07:30:29

Dr. Cade

And if you're especially away from the family for a long hours allowing them to see that and what your passion and what your purpose is there, but also the other end of the spectrum, allowing your kids to see you play. And maybe that goes back to, you know, a little bit of that singing and a little bit of that dancing, but allowing your children to see you play. Again, something that you're passionate about.

00:07:30:29 - 00:07:49:07

Dr. Cade

Maybe it's football that you did when you were younger. Maybe it's something completely different. Maybe it's a video game. Whatever it is that you're into, right? Allow your children to partake in that and letting them respect if they like it, if they don't like it, not forcing them to do it. But yeah, I think both of those are huge and anything you want to say on work and play?

00:07:49:28 - 00:08:07:21

Coach Cason

It’s just opening the door to your life, you know, like kids, we look up to our parents, you know, that's how it goes. And so when when you can bring them into your daily routine, I know that they just love that. So yeah.

00:08:07:21 - 00:08:30:11

Dr. Cade

So change up the pace a little bit today and hopefully those things at least got your wheels spinning and maybe some ideas to put that into play with your relationship with your children. Being a daddy is awesome, but it is hard being a mommy. I can't imagine. I think there's just it's so much easier being a man and I can't even begin to understand the burden on you, mom.

00:08:30:11 - 00:08:52:09

Dr. Cade

It's unbelievable. So thank you to all you mamas. Thank you to all you dads out there. If you've got questions, if you've got additions to this list, if you've got anything that you want to talk about, we're all ears. But it's such a work in play, isn't it? And the more things like this that you can be conscious about to try to put in place, the better your relationship is going to be with your children, the happier and more productive they're going to be as adults as they grow up.

00:08:52:19 - 00:09:04:19

Dr. Cade

I think I heard somebody say the other day that there really aren't any adults. There's just old children. And I think that's great. You know, we're all just doing our best to try to figure things out for for the most part...

00:09:04:20 - 00:09:08:11

Coach Cason

And carrying those wounds from childhood, you know, and working through them.

00:09:08:16 - 00:09:24:18

Dr. Cade

A lot of us are still carrying those wounds, aren’t we? A lot of us are. So you've got a chance to rewrite things. And hopefully, again, this list of 6 things were a decent place to start. So again, I'm Dr. Cade and I'm here with Coach Cason at LIFEstrength Health Center. You can reach out with anything. But thank you, guys.

00:09:24:18 - 00:09:26:14

Dr. Cade

Many blessings this holiday season. See ya!

Interested in an appointment? We offer a FREE 15-Minute Consult! Call 239-774-5433 to schedule.